Recession: Brought to you by Bud Light

There's a sign in front of a bar downtown that says:

"Thank you for your patronage over the last 10 years, we will be closing December 19."
Great Taste, goes down smooth. Bud Light.


Really Bud Light? You're sponsoring the bar shuttering signs now?

Is Dunkin Donuts Channeling Palin?

I just saw a Dunkin Donuts commercial that claimed that their coffee was preferred by more "hardworking Americans" in a blind taste test with Starbucks. You're obviously supposed to think that it's just plain better, but I couldn't help but notice the hardworking qualifier. Also, the people being polled in the commercial are a construction worker, taxi driver, and so on. Are they taking advantage of the Hillary Clinton/Sarah Palin distinction between "working" and "real" Americans and everyone else? (i.e., Starbucks drinking, argula eating Americans)

Commercials, I hate you

I really didn't think it was possible, but TV commercials have pissed me off even more. This is another jewelry commercial, but it actually doesn't imply that you're a bad husband if you don't buy your wife expensive jewelry. Instead, it tells women they NEED to buy jewelry.

"These days, I watch every dollar I spend."

"But I still NEED to buy my jewelry" (in whiny voice).

"It's the one luxury that for me, really is a necessity. And, it completes my look!"

EWWW. I hope your husband divorces you when he realizes you've spent the grocery budget on something to "complete your look."

Obama Campaign, I am not your rich aunt....

Ok, wtf Obama campaign. I'm behind you 100%, I want to win, and I understand that takes bank. However, lately, you're kind of making me feel like a mom with a teenager. I'm all for giving you money if you really need it, but when I see you spend millions on a Baracommercial which may or may not help anything (in fact, it could piss people off who could see a number of better ways to be spending 4 million dollars, like, I don't know, myself), and then the next day get the following email, my desire to continue paying out to you is significantly diminished.

Lauren --

I'm the Chief Financial Officer for Barack Obama's campaign. I track the donations coming in and the expenses going out.

I asked for the opportunity to write to you directly so that I could try to explain what's happening right now.

This organization has thousands of employees and spends millions of dollars a day -- and at the moment we're doing it without a safety net.

Our spending plans have been stretched by John McCain's negative attacks and the overwhelming resources of the Republican National Committee.

As of October 15th, John McCain and the RNC together had nearly $20 million more in cash than the combined total of Obama for America and the DNC. And just this week, we're facing new and unexpected spending against us in Montana and West Virginia.

Your incredible generosity has gotten us this far. But right now we need your help more than ever to get this campaign across the finish line.

Please donate $25 or whatever you can afford right now.

Ok...the major problem with this is if they are poorer than McCain and the RNC, that is totally 1,000 percent their fault, since both their campaign and the DNC have outfundraised the shit out of them this season (a result of the million dollar infomercial, perhaps?). Also, what's with the "new and unexpected spending against us in Montana and West Virginia." Why are they even wasting money on these states anyway? If they go blue, that would be some kind of miracle, and also miraculously unnecessary. McCain has to defend them because he's fighting for his life, but how about we just pool our resources and focus on the important stuff, like PA, VA, FL, and OH? If we win all of those, and Montana and WV's combined eight electoral votes go to McCain, I think I can live with that.

Repent (and give us ur credit card info)

I just got an email from Repent Today (repent.today07@yahoo.com.mx) (reply to: eternannlife_injesuschrist5@yahoo.fr) with the subject "Ur Eternity? NO REPENTANCE IN THE GRAVE!! 666-Reject it"-Rev-13-8-18."

Beloved,CHRIST,pleads with men,"U AND I" to accept the gift of eternal

life.(red-Acts-4-12)REPENT!

- Repent Today

I'm still trying to figure out how my repentance would make this person money.

In addition, when did God start using textspeak? What part of Revelation uses "Ur"?

Meteor

When I read that this would be spectacular for witnesses in Sudan, the first thing I thought of was that I hope they don't attack any "witches" over it.

I'm blaming this sad and probably racist thought on Sarah Palin's pastor.

Learning to deal with your beast

We got a press release today saying that, in honor of National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Dr. Anthony Youn, a board-certified plastic surgeon, is available to speak on how women with implants can build knowledge and confidence with conducting breast self exams while debunking myths that are associated with women and breast implants.

Not inherently funny on its own (Ok, maybe a little funny).

The really funny part comes at the end:
"Dr. Youn is available for interviews to discuss ways that women can become more comfortable with their beast."

Sun Scare?

Ok, for the record, it's totally ridiculous that people are acting like Sarah Palin's tanning bed matters. But I just find this comment from the president of the Indoor Tanning Association too damn funny: "Kudos to Governor Palin for standing up to dermatologists and other members of the sun scare industry who are trying to frighten Americans away from UV light.”

Like JOHN MCCAIN?? Mr. Malignant Melanoma?

A family friend forwarded this around:

Who Am I?
I am under 45 years old,
I love the outdoors,
I hunt,
I am a Republican reformer,
I was elected governor,
I lead concerted effort to root out corruption and machine politics,

I support efficient conservation of national resources,
I have taken on the Republican Party establishment,
I am a popular idol and a great vote getter,
I have many children,
I have a spot on the national ticket as Vice President with
less than two years in the governor's office.
Did you guess?

I am Teddy Roosevelt in 1900.

Ok, how much this annoys me aside, here are my thoughts.
I don't care that Palin's not experienced, I think that was always a weak argument. Just being in government for a long time means nothing, our best presidents in my opinion were some of the least experienced ones--T.R. is a great example, and Lincoln. And Cheney and Rumsfeld were some of the most experienced pols you could get. But the McCain campaign has built their argument on the idea that experience is necessary, and that's why Palin's lack of it is an issue.

It's more about her judgment. It doesn't show good judgment to glibly suggest that "perhaps" we should go to war with the world's other major nuclear power. I don't think most of her positions on the issues show good judgment.

Also, as for her "taking on the Republican establishment," it's important to remember that Alaska is basically a one-party state. In order to get into power she had to take on the establishment, and from what I've heard, the Republicans she's "taken on" are all just ones that were either in her way or who had somehow angered or offended her and so she took revenge. I don't really see that as "reform."

And anyone who thought he was talking about Palin when he said "I support efficient conservation of national resources" obviously doesn't know where she stands, since she tried to take polar bears off the endangered species list because they were getting in the way of oil drilling, opposed a measure that would have blocked a mine from polluting wild salmon fisheries, and wants to hunt wolves from the air to cull their population--a population that's only now beginning to come back from centuries of overhunting. I don't really think demanding drilling in a wildlife refuge when there are thousands of acres right next door that have been set aside as a drilling area and aren't being bid on shows support for efficient conservation of natural resources either. Oh and of course she doesn't think global warming is caused by man, so why do we need to conserve anyway.

Bargain Foods

I was just at Whole Foods and they seem to have a new campaign to go with this "new economy." There are signs saying how their stuff is such a bargain, and instead of something about the season we're currently in or an admonition to "go local," the bags now say "I just got more of the good stuff for less." I'm not sure what world Whole Foods is living in, but in my world, it's not the store you go to when you want stuff for less...

Leave Bristol Alone!

Where's that Britney-loving guy to make a YouTube video about this? The joking facebook groups and plundered MySpace pages have begun, and while, Ok, it's totally funny, I can't help feeling really sick about the whole thing. All this girl did was have a conservative evangelical mom who wants to make a name in politics. Can you really blame her for getting pregnant when she lives in a town of less than 10,000 people where her abstinence-only mom is the most famous resident? How would you like to walk into that only drugstore in town and pick up a box of condoms?

And we are only hearing that she "made the right decision" from her mom, so for all we know she would have liked to have an abortion but it wasn't an option. I would certainly expect that she wouldn't have all her family's "love and support" if that's what she had chosen, especially when her mom won't even support abortion rights in the case of 14 year old rape victims.

It's bad enough that she has to have a kid at 17, marry this Levi guy, and do it all under the scrutiny of everyone in her town. But to have to take shit from the rest of America seems way out of line. She isn't Britney, she didn't choose this for herself, so despite our curiosity, we should really all lay off.

Pumas and Cougars

Is it just me, or are the PUMA women trying to make me think of cougars?

EZ Divorce

I saw this ad in a CNN news story I was reading, and it is so shockingly awful.

Husbands Unfaithful?
Check his computer for the truth. Secretly read emails. "Free Trial"
WebWatcherNow.com/Free_Trial

Not only does it let you read his e-mails, but it offers this list of features:

Read every email they send or receive

See every Instant Message or Chat they participate in (both sides of the conversation)

See every webpage they visit and how long they stay there

Block access to inappropriate websites (WebWatcher has the best block list in the world - guaranteed)

Capture every single keystroke they type (including passwords & usernames)

Limit access to what software programs can be used (block programs & set schedules for use)

Take Screenshots of their computer screen - allowing you to see everything they do including graphics and video

Monitor and control Laptops no matter where they go! WebWatcher is the ONLY software that can be used to remotely monitor and control all laptop activity no matter where in the world it travels. That's why it's being used by law enforcement agencies everywhere.

Monitor as many computers as you need to. Some companies and government agencies use WebWatcher to monitor thousands of PCs.

Be notified when "alert words" you choose are used in any communications

How can people read this and think that it's a good idea? I think that being unfaithful is treating your partner better than doing all of this to them.

For that very reason, much of the site is dedicated to how hard the software is to detect, yet Adam Greenfield of Houston, Texas, seems to have no problems putting his full name and location on his satisfied customer quote.

So, apparently, is Kimberly Orting of Ft. Wayne, Indiana. "I've been using WebWatcher for a few months now and it's lived up to every promise and it's totally hidden." So by lived up to all it's promises do you mean you found out your husband is enjoying BDSM and plushie fetishes on the side? Did you really WANT to know that?

I am an incredibly jealous and suspicious person, I will acknowledge. But this is WAY over the line. I can't believe that this product exists or that people are dead inside enough to buy and use it.

Do you have a bird infestation?

"Bird-X, Inc. targets bird infestations all around the world." I didn't even realize bird infestations were a problem! But, apparently, "Pest bird problems are common."

Man Junk

I am 98 percent sure this is a real product. I'd say 100 percent, seeing as they took the time and effort to ensure that I got a press release about it, and they have a sweet website...but, after reading both of those things, I'm still not entirely convinced.

Nevertheless, let's subject their claims to a close reading.

"Man Junk Launches Innovative Personal Care Product: Organic, Deep-Cleansing Intimate Body Wash for Men

Exclusive Line Enters $12 Billion Personal Care Market

LOS ANGELES, August 20, 2008 — Man Junk, the exclusive brand of men’s personal care solutions, today launched its debut product: an organic, deep-cleansing intimate body wash.
Tackling the sensitive issue of male private hygiene in a unique and open way, Man Junk’s philosophy is based upon a commitment to improve the health and sex lives of men across the globe.

“It’s time to get private hygiene into the public eye and stop ignoring the real needs of men worldwide,” said Rowett. “Man Junk addresses a growing cleanliness concern while helping to refresh and replenish an area that is often disregarded.”
A much-overlooked aspect of personal care, poor male hygiene can lead to inflammation, bacteria buildup, STD transmission, and even the increased risk of penile cancer. Man Junk cleans gently but effectively, working against bacteria deposits and other odor-causing agents, while leaving the body moisturized and soft to the touch.

A product for such a critically sensitive area requires painstaking attention to detail in both the selection and formulation of ingredients. A task Mr. Rowett has been focused on for over two years.

Already a proven innovator in social technology, Mr. Rowett is using innovative approaches to educate the active consumer base that Man Junk appeals to. Initiatives such as Man Junk TV, the ‘Clean or Dirty’ Facebook application and Man Junk's pledge to donate proceeds towards Prostate Cancer Research all exemplify an ethical business model."

First of all, is there really a "growing cleanliness concern"? I'm pretty sure that the advent of soap, shampoo, toothbrushes, and showers have all been major milestones in the history of cleanliness. I think Queen Elizabeth took something like two baths in her entire life. You can bet she needed to "refresh and replenish" her area, but a guy who showers once a day? He's probably alright. Plus, I highly doubt that too many men are disregarding that region. Just a hunch.

The immediate question that comes to mind of course is, what's wrong with soap? Man Junk has an answer for that too. "Any product that's made to clean your neck, back, ass or legs isn't going to provide the specific levels of odor fighting and skin treatment that Man Junk does." I'm not exactly sure what products out there are designed specifically to clean a man's ass...however I would kind of hope that they provide odor fighting...

"On top of our commitment to men around the world, all the guys at our office use MJ daily. Don't put anything on your downstairs captain that the creators themselves aren't using."

Downstairs captain!

"Men sweat. Not the hot sweat that women get going out on the dance floor, but the rank perspiration that makes any interested party turn 180 degrees and make a beeline for the door.

Luckily, you've got Man Junk as a wingman.

Gone are the worries of funk down under, dry skin or dead-skin build-up. Instead, you're packing something smooth, clean, and dying to make an acquaintance."

Those are their italics, not mine. Ok. So, are they saying that if you don't wash your junk with their specific product, that women are going to smell it on the dance floor and run away? Are they really saying that? I won't even get into the "wingman" idea.

"Avoid getting embarrassed when out with a potential encounter or even with a partner of years. Man Junk cleanses and refreshes the entire male anatomy, heightening the pleasure of love making and giving your confidence a boost before heading to the bedroom."

Even if you assume that they aren't actually claiming it will get a woman to sleep with you and are only saying that it will make her happier when she does, I don't really think that too many women expect to find Mr. Clean down there. Plus, does it really smell as bad as they're making it out? Since this product was only introduced today, I think I can guarantee that I've never been with anyone who used it, and they all smelled fine...

Lastly, there are the "coming soon" products. MJ Express, Smooth, and Intimate sound about equal in weird/grossness, but what the F is MJ Dust? "Think of it like fairy dust but without the winged, mythical creatures. Oh, it still has magic. Man Junk magic!" What?

I don't care how revolutionary the technology is, you look like a douche

My daily walk through Franklin Square Park is nothing if not interesting. There are the guys screaming obscenities at me, the squirrel mating rituals, the guy who I saw fill a water bottle out of the fountain and then drink from it, and then today, a new one, some kind of Segway convention... There were like 20 people on Segways segwaying around in circles.

Wtf.

Edwards cheated...Can we move on to the actual candidate now?

The only thing worse than the media not covering the John Edwards affair is them covering it.

Seriously, Kaus, I get it. The MSM was sitting on the story. It's on CNN now, so you can talk about some other topic on your blog!

While I give him credit for following the story while most of the media was purposefully ignoring it, he's discussed almost nothing else for about a month now and is kind of giving me reason to understand exactly why so many news outlets had been avoiding it. I always thought he was kind of a tool, but he really starts sounding like an obsessive crazy in some of these. Do we really need hourly updates on this?

I first noticed the story on his blog months ago—before the "love child" was even born—and, at the time, it was certainly pretty interesting. There definitely seemed to be too many strange twists for the Edwards official story to be true, so why was no one else talking about it? Especially when they were reporting similarly damaging accusations with even less evidence.

The thing is, at the time, it may have actually been relevant. From what I can tell, the National Enquirer began covering the story as early as October of 2007, back when Edwards was maybe not the front runner, but certainly a viable candidate for the nomination. While it saddens me to hear of yet another seemingly devoted husband who turned out not to be able to keep it in his pants (and did you see her?), I don't really think it's relevant to his ability to lead. However, it is relevant to his ability to win, and if all the allegations are true, he may have committed some crimes in using campaign funds to hire her and later to hush her up (plus it's pretty darn skeevy if he did convince his aide Andrew Young to claim paternity—good luck explaining that one to your wife and kids).

My point is, this story was worth something in October when the Enquirer first published it, and it's worth a little now with VP picks and Cabinet posts possibly in the works. But now that he's admitted it, even if he's still not being entirely forthcoming, is it really worth rehashing over and over?

By all means, feel free to lampoon him all you want. Lord knows how much enjoyment we've gotten out of Republican sex scandals recently, and I don't want to deny the other side their chance (Also, if you haven't seen this video, enjoy). But please don't keep trying to pass off harping on this story as "responsible journalism."

And for the record, I don't think this scandal hurts Obama. If it hurts any candidate, it should be McCain, the candidate who has experience—cheating on an unwell wife.

Put those things away, please

Another addition to the list of feminine rituals I will never understand: the professional pedicure.

I'm not saying I can't see the appeal of a nice foot soak and having non-grody toenails (I definitely see the appeal of the latter), but here I'm mainly referring to the elaborate acrylic/airbrushed thing. And the fact that these things can cost $40 to $80!

Full disclosure: I find nails, particularly toenails, majorly, majorly gross. Long fingernails of any kind are hideous to me, and I can't stand to see any of the white part of my toenails. If it's sticking out more than a few millimeters on someone else, I feel kind of sick. Even when they're not dirty or anything. Add any kind of discoloration, peeling, or, god forbid, fungus, and it becomes a downright phobia.

That said, when I see women with elaborate pedicures that seem designed to emphasize the length of their toenails, I can't help but feel like the world's gone a little insane.

The first offender was a couple days ago, with this French manicure that would have been tasteful were it not for the length of the white painted part. She definitely looked like she could easily scratch the shit out of someone with her toes accidentally.... I'm hoping this was mainly an illusion caused by the nail polish, but they were definitely too long for my comfort.

That was nothing compared to what I saw on the metro today, though. Imagine these...on someone's toes. That should give you a pretty good idea. Not that they didn't take artistry. But who wants to a) draw that much attention to their feet, b) look like they have two inch long toenails??

I don't even want to know how much she paid for that.

Is a penny worth anything?

On my walk home tonight I saw into the crate of the woman who begs in front of the metro station near my office. I hesitate to say "homeless woman," because she always looks clean and has fresh clothes and only sits there from 9 to 5. She also claims to have three children, so I can only guess that she is able to house them somewhere when they're not in school. All of these things have made me wonder why she continues to sit in the same spot and beg nearly every day for the last year. I don't know her specific circumstances, but it seems to me that if she is able to get clean clothes, transport to a business district on a regular schedule, and have access to childcare, she should be able to get and hold down some kind of job.

But that's not really my point. My point is that when I saw into the crate, all she had was a couple of dollar bills and a pile of pennies. There wasn't a silver coin in there from what I could tell, and this really got to me.

I started wondering, what's worse? The person who doesn't give anything, or the person who picks through their change and just throws in pennies? If you want to give, and they're legitimately all you have, that's one thing, but I think if that were the case some people would have thrown in their quarters, dimes, and nickels as well.

I rarely give to those begging, and I use a number of reasons to justify this to myself--the fact that it encourages them to continue that life, the fact that I can't give to everyone who asks, the fact that I've given to people based on what I learned later were lies. I don't think any of these absolves me from charges of selfishness, however, and I'll own up to that. But to me it seems to take a particular callousness to go through one's pockets and pick out only the most utterly worthless change. It makes me wonder if they're giving it more to get it out of their pockets than because they want to help someone.

I can't rule out the possibility that she had taken out the more valuable change by the time I walked by. I hope that that's the case. Otherwise I'm not really sure she made enough today to pay for her metro ride to and from wherever she comes from, let alone support herself and three kids. I also hope she gets herself out of whatever trouble she's in that keeps her there day after day...

Damn you Dunkin Donuts, Damn you to Hell

Continuing on the theme of my earlier post of me having terrible eating habits, I had a Boston cream donut craving tonight and decided to look up the address of my local Dunkin Donuts. What i found was yet another reason why Americans are fat asses. Check this thing out....

My immediate thought was, DELICIOUS, when I can get one? My second thought was holy shit, why would they make this.

Does it really need American, Swiss, and Monterey Jack cheese? Does it really need hash browns baked into the omelet? Especially when they sell little tater tot-like hash browns to eat on the side?

Then of course there's the bacon lover's version. I guess the best thing that can be said about this one is that at least it only has one type of cheese.

Probably the best part about all of this is the little O grams of trans fat logo in the corner. What, no trans fat?? I'd better have one every morning to keep my figure!

Suck it Mercury

Mercury really pisses me off.

I say this because ever since I was old enough to understand the concept of healthy food, I've never really been able to find any that I actually like. Steamed vegetables of any kind? Nope. Lean meats? Eh... And I think I'd prefer most prison food to trying quinoa again. Most of my favorite foods involve cheese, butter, dough, breading, deep frying, or some heavenly combination of all of these things.

Because of this, tuna seemed like a pretty good start for me. I can't eat it plain, but I'd graduated to eating it with that made-from-plant-sterols omega-3-enriched mayo that only has like four grams of fat per serving. Slap that on some wheat bread with lettuce and tomato and I thought I was doing pretty well for myself.

Not so, says the MAN. Or in this case, the FDA and Consumer Reports. Because of some stupid heavy metal, apparently tuna is one of those things that I should generally try to avoid, just like everything else I like. And to add major insult to injury here, the recommended kind is the "Chunk Light" tuna, otherwise known as the gross ass tuna. For years I didn't understand why I always hated tuna I made at home out of a can, since I was pretty positive they used canned stuff at every restaurant. I always thought I didn't have the mayo ratio right, because it always tasted really fishy (and yes, I realize how ironic that sounds), but I later found out it's because the white albacore kind is the good tasting one, and I just never knew this because it was the almost-a-whole-dollar-more kind that my mom was too cheap to buy.

Also, if you're eating tuna, that means you have to limit the other fish that you eat. So when I'm debating whether to make a box of macaroni and cheese and a hot dog or a grilled fish fillet, they're saying I had better avoid the fish. AND apparently lobster can be very high in mercury. I finally seem to have grown out of my shellfish allergy and now they're telling me I can't eat lobster, those dicks.

The most annoying part of all of this is the reason I'm not supposed to eat it is not really because it might hurt me, but because I'm a "Woman of Childbearing Age," the logic being that mercury stays in the body, and, at 24, I could be producing a little fucker at any time. My thought on this is that if I do get pregnant any time soon, I'm going to have a lot bigger problems than worrying about how much fish I've eaten. In addition, I really only care about myself.

The bottom line of course is that I'm not going to pay any more attention to this dietary restriction than I do to the restriction that one should probably eat mozzarella sticks exactly never. But it just pisses me off that mercury had to go and ruin the one healthy food that I actually enjoy. Thanks a lot, pollution.

Glad I don't pay more....

So on my walk home tonight, I passed this building that looked way nicer/newer than mine, possibly condos. (Keep in mind, I live in a studio in a rent-controlled place not in the nicest part of DC, and still pay like $1200 a month [fuck you all who live in Albany or Philly or something and pay way less for way more])

And there was caution tape strung across the entrance.

For one thing, I'd been drinking, and needed to find a bathroom like it was my job. If this had been my ridiculously overpriced home, I would have been PISSED that i could not get in and take a piss.

But that brings up a good point. What DO you do when you arrive back at your place and find the telltale "police line do not cross" there? I was pretty sure I would just duck underneath that shit, but I do not want those CSI bastards counting my footprints as evidence...

Also, if i'm paying that much for a place, there should not be crimes committed in my lobby. For $2,000 a month, even loiterers should be somehow incinerated where they stand to avoid the paperwork and possibility of me encountering them.

Someone get on this.

Meanwhile, my much less fancy apartment building had easy front door access.

Suckers!!!

Great PA Streets

Some streets I crossed under on my way through Pennsylvania yesterday:

Blueball Ave
East Texas Road
Bustard Road

Another Good Gmail Link

The Original Hamburger Phone

Count me out

A political action committee called WomenCount ran full page ads in newspapers across the country saying "Not so fast...Hillary's voice is OUR voice, and she's speaking for all of us."

It's fine if you prefer to allow Hillary to speak for you, but please do not imply that she's speaking for me simply because we have the same equipment.

I'm also fairly certain that Clinton and Obama's views on issues that would actually make change for women or preserve our rights are exactly the same, so please stop whining that you're being ignored and get behind the candidate who will run a government that will actually help you instead of the one you want to support out of pure spite. P.S. Being a sore loser and vowing revenge is pretty darn unladylike.

Come on, commercials

I've had a few issues with commercials I've seen tonight.

First off, why did Special K have to cast a super skinny girl in a commercial that's main point is you should drink their 5 calorie protein water instead of eating so you can lose weight... I hate complaining about this because it's always whined about, but seriously. What were they thinking?

Second, these pharmaceutical ads are getting even more ridiculous. One of them is for some bowel disease and warns that side effects include flatulence. I so did not need to know that. It also seems to suggest that the medication might not work all that well. Also, can this prostate medicine please think of a less gross motto than "It's your growing problem, shrink it"? Please?

Finally, I just saw a public service ad in Spanish while watching Colbert, which is, 90% of the time at least, in English. Why are all those people who need to get their public services in Spanish even watching it...

I Hate You Christian Response

This email makes me SO SICK. Literally.

First of all, this was sent to me from an email list that I have already unsubscribed to because there is no reason for them to be sending this bullshit to my magazine and I can't stand reading it, yet they continue to send it to me.

Second, this is the most disgusting pile of shit I have ever read. They actually try to make the argument that Obama is a racist while calling him Barack Hussein Obama throughout the entire email. And that Willie Horton ad didn't preach "vile racial hatred" at all, how could anyone think that? That ad was a perfectly legitimate testament to Dukakis' policies, of course, and there was absolutely no intention to scare up white fear and hatred of the "black criminal."

Just as there's no such intention in this email, or in the ad that it is trying to get you to donate money to, which claims that because Obama didn't vote yes on a bill that would have increased the death penalty given to those convicted of gang related violence that he's the reason that 12 people were shot in Chicago this weekend. Oh the HORROR! That he could possibly refuse to support a bill that would condone killing those who end up in the hands of our not at all racist and completely infallible courts!

And don't forget, the fact that he didn't want to increase capital punishment means that he is supporting the TERRORISTS. I mean, not a surprise, considering he is Barack HUSSEIN Obama! Did I mention his name is HUSSEIN??

Oh, and he totally hates America. Which is why he's dedicated his life to public service. Just to fuck with us.


Warning: Please do not read this email immediately following a meal or while eating. There is a serious risk of vomiting all over your computer.

"President Barack Hussein Obama," those have to be the scariest four words in the English language!

Ask yourself... do you really want the next President of the United States of America to be a man with ties to known Marxists such as Frank Marshall Davis and terrorists such as Bill Ayers and former PLO operative Rashid Khalidi?

Consider the fact that Barack Hussein Obama refuses to wear the flag on his lapel, or that he does not place his hand over his heart in the presence of the American flag.

Consider the fact that Barack Hussein Obama embraces Jeremiah Wright, a man who has preached the most vile racial hatred and anti-American sentiments from the pulpit for twenty years, while at the same time Barack Hussein Obama accuses decent hard-working Americans of bigotry when he says things like, "It's not surprising that they get bitter. They cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them... ."

Consider the fact that Barack Hussein Obama's wife Michelle said that her husband's candidacy marked, "the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country."

But what really makes "President Barack Hussein Obama" the scariest four words in the English language is that fact that HE CAN BECOME THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!

While the media would love to extend the news cycle as far as humanly possible throughout the primary season, the truth of the matter is that unless Hillary Clinton pulls off some kind of mathematical miracle, Barack Hussein Obama will go to the Democratic National Convention with more delegates.

And, with the exception of the Jeremiah Wright story, the liberal media has basically given Barack Hussein Obama a free pass -- and will continue to give him a free pass!

Moreover, Socialist billionaire George Soros of MoveOn.org fame, and some of his cronies, have already spent millions of dollars and recently pledged to spend millions more to put this obscure first term United States Senator from Chicago into the White House.

Make no mistake, there are people in the United States who despise America... hate America... and hate our way of life. Barack Hussein Obama is THEIR CANDIDATE and they will do everything in their power to make sure that patriotic Americans do not understand exactly how dangerous Barack Hussein Obama really is. They'll hide his record and his past and they'll tar-and-feather his opposition.

And the only thing that stands in their way is patriotic Americans like you!

George Soros and his friends may have millions and the liberal media may still control the information that most people see and hear, but patriotic Americans can still fight back. We have just launched ExposeObama.com -- call it the Obama Truth Squad -- and in the coming weeks and months, we will tell the American people the truth about Barack Obama.

We've just completed our first major television ad. And if you use this hyperlink you can see it right now! But we just don't want you to view this ad, we want you to join us. We need to raise $300,000 in the next 72 hours to buy the ad time on television that will expose Barack Hussein Obama to the American people .

Please watch this ad and if you agree that all Americans should know the truth about Barack Hussein Obama please join us. Your financial assistance of $5000 or $1000 or even $100 or $50 or $25 is urgently needed right now.

Remember Willie Horton?

One of the key members of our team is Floyd Brown. You may remember Floyd as the man who created the Willie Horton ads which brought the truth about Mike Dukakis directly to the American people.

Before the Willie Horton ads came out, Dukakis had a healthy lead over George H.W. Bush in the polls, in part, because the liberal media glossed over Dukakis' liberal record. And it looked like Dukakis' march to the White House was unstoppable.

Willie Horton was a convicted killer serving a life-sentence without the possibility of parole. Horton callously stabbed a 17-year old gas station attendant 19 times and left him in a garbage can to die.

And yet, Horton was given a total of 10 weekend passes from prison.

During one of those weekend passes, Horton kidnapped a young couple, stabbed, beat and gagged the boyfriend and then repeatedly violated the girlfriend multiple times while the boyfriend watched -- helpless to do anything.

Dukakis supported the furlough program that gave Willie Horton and so many others like him weekend passes -- even after the Willie Horton affair came to light. Moreover, when the Massachusetts legislature attempted to close the furlough program, Dukakis vetoed the bill .

When the Willie Horton ad came out, the left-wing media went into spin mode and attacked Floyd. Twenty years later, fabrications and lies concerning the Willie Horton ad are still misreported by a biased media.

But when the Willie Horton ads were released, the American public saw the truth. There was no hiding the fact that Dukakis was soft on crime.

The media will attempt to elect the next President of the United States for you and that president may be Barrack Hussein Obama.

You can let that happen or you can join us as we expose the truth about Barack Hussein Obama!

If you agree that the American people need to know the real Barack Hussein Obama, then join us in the fight and in the coming weeks and months, we will tell the American people what the liberal media refuses to report when it comes to Barack Hussein Obama.

We've just completed our first major television ad. And if you use this hyperlink you can see it right now! But we just don't want you to view this ad, we want you to join us. We need to raise $300,000 in the next 72 hours to buy the ad time on television that will expose Barack Hussein Obama to the American people .

Please watch this ad and if you agree that all Americans should know the truth about Barack Hussein Obama please join us. Your financial assistance of $5000 or $1000 or even $100 or $50 or $25 is urgently needed right now.

Obama and Racism...

Barack Hussein Obama slapped hard-working Americans in the face when he said that "bitter" people "cling to guns or religion."

But how does Obama react when he actually encounters bigotry?

Do you remember what Jeremiah Wright, the man who preached to Obama for 20 years, married him to his wife, baptized his children and served as his spiritual advisor said about the United States?

Here's what Wright said:

"The government gives them the drugs, builds bigger prisons, passes a three-strike law, and then wants us to sing God Bless America? No, no, no! Not God bless America. God d*** America! It's in the Bible, for killing innocent people. God d*** America..."

Wright actually said that when terrorists killed over 3,000 innocent people on September 11, 2001, "America had it coming!"

Wright once called the United States of America, "the U.S. of K.K.K.A"

Wright even accused the United States government of developing the AIDS virus to exterminate blacks.

For 20 years, Barack Hussein Obama listened to Jeremiah Wright preach hate and didn't say a word. When confronted with Wright's race-baiting he refused to disown the man... and yet he has no problem insinuating that hard-working, God-fearing Americans are bigots!

What does that tell you about Barack Hussein Obama?

George Soros and his friends may have millions and the liberal media may still control the information that most people see and hear, but we can fight back. We have just launched ExposeObama.com -- call it the Obama Truth Squad -- and in the coming weeks and months, we will tell the American people the truth about Barack Obama.

We've just completed our first major television ad. And if you use this hyperlink you can see it right now! But we just don't want you to view this ad, we want you to join us. We need to raise $300,000 in the next 72 hours to buy the ad time on television that will expose Barack Hussein Obama to the American people .

Please watch this ad and if you agree that all Americans should know the truth about Barack Hussein Obama please join us. Your financial assistance of $5000 or $1000 or even $100 or $50 or $25 is urgently needed right now.

If He's Weak On Crime, Will He Be Weak On The War On Terror And National Security?

When it comes to the issues, most people simply don't know where Barack Hussein Obama stands. The liberal media won't give you that information!

For example, when it comes to crime, Barack Hussein Obama seems to care for criminals more than victims:

In 2002, while gang related crime infected Chicago like an open, festering sore, Barack Hussein Obama voted NO on HB 1812, a bill designed to toughen penalties for crimes committed in furtherance of gang activities.

And the problem is only getting worse!

On Sunday, the CBS affiliate in Chicago issued the following report:

"A violent and deadly weekend continues in Chicago. At least 12 people have been shot, two of them killed, since Saturday morning. Two others were stabbed in a home invasion. This comes after at least 20 people were shot, four of them killed, from Friday night through early Saturday."

Ironically so many of the victims of these gang-related crimes are, innocent African-Americans from Barack Hussein Obama's hometown of Chicago!

Question: If Barack Hussein Obama REFUSED to vote in favor of tougher penalties for those who commit atrocious crimes against innocent people in his own hometown, how will he react when confronted with America's enemies and those who want to harm innocent Americans?

When terrorists around the world, such as Osama bin-Laden, look at Barack Hussein Obama's record on domestic crime, will they dance in the streets?

Our very first ad takes a hard, no-nonsense look at Barack Hussein Obama's record on what the Chicago Sun Times called "urban terrorism" in Obama's own backyard and asks:

"Can a man so weak in the war on gangs be trusted in the war on terror?"

When the time comes to be tough, will Obama choose to be weak?

Of course, if you join us, this will only be the first of many nationwide commercials spotlighting Barack Hussein Obama's record on the issues! You can help us make it happen!

If you haven't done so already, view our very first ExposeObama.com television ad for all the gut-wrenching details.

If you agree that the American people need to know the real Barack Hussein Obama, then join us in the fight and in the coming weeks and months, we will tell the American people what the liberal media refuses to report when it comes to Barack Hussein Obama.

We've just completed our first major television ad. And if you use this hyperlink you can see it right now! But we just don't want you to view this ad, we want you to join us. We need to raise $300,000 in the next 72 hours to buy the ad time on television that will expose Barack Hussein Obama to the American people .

Please watch this ad and if you agree that all Americans should know the truth about Barack Hussein Obama please join us. Your financial assistance of $5000 or $1000 or even $100 or $50 or $25 is urgently needed right now.

Bruce Hawkins
Executive Director
ExposeObama.com

P.S. Even if you can not join us in this effort right now, you can still help us expose Barack Hussein Obama by sending this e-mail to at least 10 of your friends.

FINALLY I can get drunk on more than alcohol...

Apparently absinthe is FINALLY legal in Baltimore. And it's such a big deal that they had to send me a press release about it. They made one major mistake though. Why have the debut of a drink famous for seriously fucking you up on a Monday night?

God Damn it, Nader...

If you haven't heard the news, apparently Ralph Nader thinks he's God's gift to America again. Except apparently he doesn't think there's any chance he's going to win:

Nader has long rejected his portrayal as a spoiler in the presidential race. In his NBC interview Sunday, he cited the Republican Party's economic policies, the Iraq war, and other issues, saying, "If the Democrats can't landslide the Republicans this year, they ought to just wrap up, close down, emerge in a different form."

So....remind us why you're running?

Gmail? Seriously? This is What My Conversations Say About Me?

Sometimes I really wonder what my Gmail ads say about me. For instance, see the ads below that popped up next to an email from my friend about hanging out tonight. From what I can tell, Gmail thinks I'm an emphatically masculine eco-friendly guy with a baby who wants to date cross dressers and male vampires. I'm so confused about my identity.

(I swear I am not making any of these up)

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Letter to the Editor

I'm pretty sure Time won't publish my letter, so I'll do it myself. Click the link for the story I'm commenting on.

Is a Wage a Right?

For me, Richard Zoglin's story on the Comedy Store strike of 1979 recalled not just the current Writers Guild of America labor dispute, but the wage plight of another group of writers--young journalists. Just as Mitzi Shore insisted that the exposure she was offering aspiring comedians amounted to payment, the media (as well as many other industries) offers thousands of unpaid internships as a way to pay one's dues, the argument being that this work offers invaluable experience in the field and, therefore, no other compensation is required. While many earnest young people find a way to survive this situation, whether it be living in hovels subsisting on Ramen noodles and peanut butter, working 80-hour weeks, or both, the ultimate result is that a career in journalism is feasible mainly for the most privileged classes, those who can afford to spend a college semester in a big city receiving only internship credit or those whose parents are willing and able to support them after graduation.

Though an unpaid internship is by no means the only path to a career in this field, it is certainly the fast track. Furthermore, often even paid internships and full time entry level positions offer little more than rent money; certainly not enough to splurge on a lunchtime burrito or, heaven forbid, a meal at one of the restaurants one's publication reviews. As Zoglin's article shows, the onus rests on employees to address this issue--as long as there are those willing to work for nothing for a shot at their dream, employers will offer exactly nothing. And as long as the wage for an honest day's work remains at zero, the mainstream media will continue to be the bastion of those elite few who could afford to chase their dream without earning a penny.

This is Why I Hate Working for an "International" Magazine

Because you get sentences like this that you have to somehow figure out and edit. What the f.

"The rope which winds the rope connected with samplers."

Anyone have any clue what that's trying to say?

I Think I'm a Genius

When I was pretty young, about 12 or so, I started trying to think of ways to help change the world. My best idea was to get someone who had so much money they could easily afford to give it away (I chose the iconic Bill Gates) to buy farm equipment for developing countries. I even added that it wouldn't necessarily have to be a charitable enterprise, because Gates could sign an agreement with the countries that they would continue to turn to his equipment company for repairs and upgrades, which they would pay for. Eventually, he could even make money on the deal. And even if he didn't, he has so much freaking money anyway.

Well now, a little over ten years later, what do I read on CNN.com?

Bill Gates' new project: Farming

If only I'd had access to Bill Gates at age 12, think how much better off we'd be now.

Highlights of the Upcoming Third Annual Mobile Adult Content Congress 2008

Face it, you've been wondering how to promote Responsible Access & Delivery of Mature Content to the Mobile Device, haven't you. Well, look no further. Next week, industry professionals from around the world will converge on Miami Beach Florida for the third annual Mobile Adult Content Congress. Set in a relaxed, interactive atmosphere on beautiful Biscayne Bay, delegates will discuss the billion dollar opportunities in mobile adult services and establish new international partnerships.

There will be a keynote address from Jay Grdina, CEO of Club Jenna and sessions like "Erotic Gaming and Gambling," "How To Minimize The Technical Hurdles To Get Adult Content
Distributed By International Carriers," "Case Studies From Hustler Mobile Worldwide," "Branded Adult Content vs. Generic Adult Content," and "Monetizing the Global Market for Adult Content While Meeting Operator Requirements."

Wired Magazine perhaps put it best when they summed up this conference as "All business. No boobies."

I know, I too am a little disappointed that there won't be any boobies.

Darwin Day

Wow, finally some sanity in my inbox. The best part of this release? My hometown is the sponsor of the sanity. Yes! Promote reason! Don't let that 43% get you down!

After having that Economist letter writer in my new hometown, I'm glad to see that Albany is still a bastion of the non-crazy.

And the "Darwin Fish Fry" sounds sweet.

Feb. 12 is "Darwin Day" -- American's Celebrate B'day of Evolution Champ

ALBANY, N.Y.  This Feb. 12 is the 199th anniversary of Charles Darwin's birth.
Hundreds of groups across the United States and the globe will celebrate the date as "Darwin Day" in honor of the discoveries and life of the man who first described biological evolution via natural selection.
"Darwin Day promotes understanding of evolution and the scientific method," said Matt Cherry, executive director of the Institute for Humanist Studies. "This celebration expresses gratitude for the enormous benefit that scientific knowledge has contributed to the advancement of humanity."
The Darwin Day Celebration is a project of the Albany, N.Y.-based Institute for Humanist Studies, an international educational nonprofit that promotes reason and humanity.
Next year will mark both the 200th anniversary of Darwin's birth and the 150th anniversary of the 1859 publication of Darwin's "The Origin of Species", which first presented the scientific theory that populations evolve over generations through natural selection.
The theory of evolution was controversial in Darwin's time and remains controversial in the United States today.
Recent Gallup polls show that 43 percent of Americans reject the theory of evolution and instead believe that "God created human beings pretty much in their present form at one time within the last 10,000 years or so." And at least four 2008 presidential candidates have said they do not believe the theory of evolution.
"There is a continuous threat to evolutionary biology and to science in general that has been posed by fundamentalists who reject entirely a Darwinian worldview because they feel it threatens their religious beliefs," said Massimo Pigliucci, Ph.D., a professor of evolutionary biology at the State University of New York-Stony Brook.
Pigliucci uses Darwin Day to teach the public about how science works "so people aren't just hearing about science from their local preacher." His online course "Evolution, Creationism and the Nature of Science" is available for free through the Institute for Humanist Studies.
The Darwin Day Celebration started with one event in 1995. Last year there were more than 850 Darwin Day events world-wide. Darwin Day festivities can include essay contests, film festivals, museum exhibits, art shows and even an "Evolution Banquet" with "Primordial Soup" followed by a "Darwin Fish Fry."
This year, hundreds of church congregations will celebrate Darwin Day by hosting an "Evolution Weekend" to explore the compatibility of science and religion.

For information and a listing of Darwin Day events around the world, visit: http://DarwinDay.org

Why I'm Already Sick of the 2008 Election

I think I finally figured out why my office e-mail is on a million ultra-conservative list serves. Richard, my favorite "Associate Editor," apparently has access to our e-mail. He also apparently hates immigrants, as his choices for president so far have been Tom Tancredo and Duncan Hunter. Here's an excerpt from our most recent Hunter e-mail:

Duncan Hunter has not been expending heavy resources on targets of marginal value like IA and NH. He's only gone through the motions to take advantage of free media opportunities. His priority has been defining the critical substantive issues that will shape the future of our Nation and very likely, western civilization.




Good Lord.

Update: Apparently the strategy of not wasting resources on these states of "marginal value" didn't pay off, as Hunter has now, to everyone's surprise and alarm, dropped out of the race.