You've Got Genital Warts. Lose a Turn.

Tonight was pretty amazingly awesometastic. Russell had a barbecue, and it way rocked. We grilled a fucking pie. Complete with marshmallows inserted into the center of it so they got all melty inside it. I know, it sounded like a really bad idea to me too, but it was actually really good. When it got dark it got real fuckin cold so we were all huddling around the grill, and we finally were forced inside. But then Russell introduced us to THE BEST GAME EVER. All you do is cut blank index cards in half, and you deal them out like five per person. You all get pens, and you make up your cards. So like, you draw a picture of a stick figure humping a grandma stick figure and write: you are your own grandpa, -500 points. Or you can dispense with the points all together and write: "you come out to your parents, call them RIGHT NOW and tell them" complete with a little picture of parents and a speech bubble saying "get out fag!" (Amos got that one) So yeah, you make all these cards, and there are still blank ones in the deck, so if someone gives you a "you buy a new houseboat -10,000 points cause no one likes houseboats" card, you can make a "President Studley thinks you're cool" card that gives you 10,000 points. Or make a "rip up the boob grab card" card cause you don't want anyone grabbing your boobs. What made it even more amazing was there were too many of us, so we split into two groups, so half of us were in one room playing and you'd just hear people having fake orgasms (or real ones, i guess it's a possibility) from the other room. Or they'd come in and steal a card from you and run back, or come in, be like, "I just needed to tell you all that I have flaccid genitalia," or suddenly kiss you. Like every single card we made was SO amazing, I cant even begin to tell all of them. The highlights though were probably Amos leaving his dad a message saying he was coming out of the closet and the entire other group calling this kid Kyle who was someone's friend from high school. Rich, without knowing my name at all, called Kyle and was like "This is Larry Masterson, and I just want to let you know THAT IF YOU EVER FUCKING THINK ABOUT TOUCHING MY DAUGHTER AGAIN I WILL RIP OFF YOUR BALLS AND EAT THEM WITH KETCHUP!!!!!" or something to that effect, he was yelling for much longer than that. He said that that name just sounded like the kinda name a scary dad would have...not if we're going by my dad, but whatever... (my grandfather's name was definitely Laurence...I don't know that anyone ever called him Larry, but....) But yeah, Kyle must've been pretty confused when he got like 6 people calling him within two minutes. Another good one I got was "Ballston Spa" picture of dog poop "if the Saratoga Springs card is in play" referring to a card that had a very dirty looking picture of a "spring" on it "kick Amos." So I got to kick Amos, which was rather gratifying. There are TONS more great ones, it was the most fun I've had in so long, i was literally dying like the whole time. And then we watched Killer Condom, which is a great movie I haven't seen since I used to hang out with Ryan. Its German, but set in NYC. So the whole time they're like waving American flags and talking about New York, but they're speaking German. The main character is an Italian NYPD detective named Luigi Macaroni. He's also gay, and theres an AMAZING line where someone's telling him he should try women and he yells, in German of course, "I LIKE FIRM MALE ASS" We got to see the line twice, cause the ps2 that was playing the dvd was still hooked up to the ddr pads and someone stepped on the stop button for like the twelfth time. Watching Russell try to get to the correct chapter and fast forward to the part we were at using his feet was pretty wonderful though, so it was ok that we kept getting interrupted.